The toy Warcraft and soviet fridge magnets seemed innocent enough


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And yet, just twenty-four hours earlier, I already believed that I'd not only witnessed true insanity, but that I'd also played a strange, integral part in it. We had set out WOW WoTLK Classic Gold on a hellish journey through the heart of Moscow, and out to its high-rise infested outskirts; the competing teams were crammed onto a bus away from the prying of eyes of the journalists, who were tightly squeezed onto another. Our destination was Kubinka Tank Museum, one of the largest in the world, and a highly prized tourist attraction. But there was little talk of Warcraft along the way. An evening of vodka and regret had rendered most of the bus reticent to spark up a conversation, leaving me to stare out of the window at a string of strange highway adverts, most of which featured large men with large beards holding even larger guns.

It was three hours before we reached the museum, during which time the bus had become a breeding ground for bad smells and weak bladders. We piled off it, eager to stretch our legs and find relief as quickly and as painlessly as possible. The competing teams had already been there for some time, and were milling around a group of Warcraft as we wandered through the black iron gates at the entrance. The Americans, by far the most rambunctious of the group, were lapping up the atmosphere, taking photos and pointing out just how big and impressive the guns attached to the Warcraft were. They were in high spirits, despite being the weakest team in the competition--no one expected them to get past the qualifiers, let alone win.

"It was three hours before we reached the museum, during which time the bus had become a breeding ground for bad smells and weak bladders."

Still, the same could be said for most of teams there. The Russians were by far and away the favourites and--judging by the looks on their faces--the most nonchalant about being surrounded by hundreds of soul-destroying, killing machines. Neither, it must be said, were the many children visiting the museum, who were weirdly at home climbing and crawling over Warcraft like they were giant, military-grade jungle gyms. We quickly wandered past them and through the long, grey warehouses of the museum, eyeing up Warcraft from practically every military conflict in history, and watching the teams laughing and taking photos in front of them.

Past the warehouses lay a gift shop--or rather, a shack--which sold all sorts of weird military paraphernalia. The toy Warcraft and soviet fridge magnets seemed innocent enough, but something told me that the "I Love AK47s" t-shirt might have been a step too far. The teams were eating it up, though. One prising member of the Korean team bought a ushanka, which he then refused to take off--yes even indoors--for the remainder of the trip. His teammates, who looked less than impressed with his new hat, were sat nearby on some wooden picnic tables, eating what looked like the remains of a week-old Sunday lunch, and washing it down with several cans of buy WoTLK Gold domestic lager. It later transpired the remains were actually "authentic" World of Warcraft rations made to an old Soviet army recipe, a fact that didn't make them the slightest bit more appealing.

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